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[17 Mar 2008|02:55am] |
Again, so many things have happened lately, it's just so overwhelming. I barely have time to eat and sleep, let alone do anything else. My own mind fails me at times, journal. I'm starting to have a fear of a myriad of things. And why does it seem that when something good happens for me, something bad happens for someone else?
Himmel was warned fair enough about the whorish intent of his lovers. Refusing to believe us and always giving them the benefit of the doubt, he's now floating in a vat in the lower levels of the house where I usually conduct my experiments. When Himmel refused to place a spy on Requiem, Lieben did. If Lieben had it her way, she'd send a spy on another spy and on another until it made a complete circle. And when the rumors had been sent back, Himmel was unable to bear it any longer. Eager to get out his frustrations, he trekked down into Alterac Valley and held a defensive against a massive Alliance attack. So we were told when his body was sent back to us after a day's time. If we had waited a moment longer, surely the boy would have died. Lieben refuses to let her eldest son slip away so easily, so I am obligated to restore his body to the best of my abilities and furthermore... figure out why his soul refuses to attach to his body.
Now Lieben knows where I keep the soulstones for all the main family members. She knows that I am the conduit in which keeping me alive is her utmost priority... next to bringing her son back.
But journal, I can't help but think that some other forces are at play here. Leben has been over my shoulder constantly about Himmel's progress. And today, we saw that his eyes are no longer the golden hue they once were, rather... dead and completely white. And yet, his body seems responsive to our movements as if he can see us. So I'm curious to see what will happen when he is complete. Though I think it will be far from normal.
As for me journal, this entire mess has kept me busy, but I'm trying to stay focused as longer as possible. While I long to spend time with Lolin'dar more, family affairs call me aside. I just wish I could steal one more kiss.
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[21 Feb 2008|01:32am] |
Journal, I'm skipping a head a few pages because I want to try and forgot those memories. Yes, I'm still married. Imagine that.
But I haven't seen my husband in four days and counting...
Last night, I traveled to the Hand of Gul'Dan in Shadowmoon to find the only person outside of my immediate family that feels the pain and emptiness I feel, albeit just a bit different.
Lolin'dar has already begun a physical mutation from the Fel energies his body is absorbing. It pains me to see him like this, my heart was breaking and crying out for him. But he told me how alone he was and that no amount of power could ever fill the gap the loneliness created. I told him to come back home.
And he kissed me. Twice.
I'm not entirely sure what to make of it. All I could do was hug him and hold him before we both decided to head back to the Faol manor. He went to his room to rest, and instead of going back to the cottage home my husband made me just on the edge of the Faol's lands, I went back to my library. Lieben didn't touch anything save for putting a white sheet over the furniture. Right now I'm sitting in the old leather chair by the fire. I put a few logs in hopes to keep me warm for the night. The pups are laying on a cushion on the floor.
It's probably a good idea that Fingal and I haven't adopted children yet.
Every time I close my eyes, I see Lolin'dar.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring.
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[27 Dec 2007|12:54pm] |
I suppose an update is due for things, Journal. Sorry for neglecting you again, it's just been ... increasingly frustrating to say the least. I love my husband, I do, but sometimes, he just angers me to no end and I'm living on the verge of running away again because I simply can't handle this anymore. I even noticed Himmel has been gone. I can only hope he is finding some good refuge and able to meditate peacefully.
As for me, I long to go back to the Shadow Hold, but not to reclaim a seat at the council, just to be with the other 'family'. I hate to say it Journal, but I think I've made a lot of bad decisions in my life in hopes of a greater good only to see it smack me back in the face. I guess it's the realization of it all. I just remember things being better when we were lovers and things were carefree. There's no doubt he's my mate for life, my soul mate, but I need the distance. I need the large gap between us so I can go out and be myself for once.
It still hurts, Journal. It hurts to lie sometimes. But sometimes lies are necessary for the happiness of others...
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[13 Nov 2007|11:49am] |
I can't say that things have been easy. It's been rather hard to be honest. I have no power at all now. I have no abilities, no strength, nothing. I am as weak and as frail as the last leaf on a dying tree. One gusty wind and I'll be over.
Too many times I've been tempted by the Book of Fel Names to regain everything that I have lost, but at what costs? I made a promise to my husband never to return to that magic and I nearly broke that promise yesterday. I threw the book into the fire.
He doesn't understand how much it hurts to be like this.
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[02 Nov 2007|11:42am] |
Dearest Journal, I do apologize for not keeping you updated on a day-to-day basis. Try as I may, I keep getting swept away by my darling love and it's been one adventure after another. And by 'adventure' I don't mean exploring new lands and traveling to the far reaches of Draenor, no. My life has changed, and I think it's for the better. So much temptation has lured me back into thinking that I can help make a difference. For the good of myself and for the good of my people, our people.
I have been set free from the restraints and slavery of the Council. And while they may be making efforts to recapture me, I know I'm safe because I have my angel with me always. Journal, I cannot express the mere words that reflect my utter happiness and love for this man.
I'd write more, but I have to finish the touch-ups of my wedding dress. I'm so excited!
[And to celebrate, a happy new picture/layout and two new icons. Huzzah!]
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[20 Oct 2007|06:48pm] |
Journal, a lot of things have happened over the past week that's made me rethink and also reconsider a lot of my current actions and goals. Not only have I given up on some of them, I feel I've made a complete turn around. All because of him.
I'm not really sure how to put this in words, journal, so I'll get straight to the point.
He asked me to marry him.
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[12 Oct 2007|11:56am] |
I kissed Fingal last night. It wasn't bad but it wasn't good either. But now he knows, right? It was more than just to prove something. It was to see his reaction. He didn't hit me or yell or anything. He said he was already involved with someone. Lucky him.
Thooroon keeps giving me this look.
I have work to do. I can't get caught up in these things relationships I can't get Just don't have the time.
Signed,
The Dull Boy
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[11 Oct 2007|04:18pm] |
Thooroon watched his elven companion search the contents of his desk and the bookshelves nearby. The Mo'arg shifted in his large seat and kept his eyes on the pacing elf. Atama stopped his movement and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He then let out a discontent sigh. Everything was back in order, but there was something that was still troubling him.
"First Frieren. Now Temius. Who else do you think is going to show up to our humble home, hmm?" Atama scowled in Eredun.
Thooroon lifted his head. "Does it really bother you that Forsaken Temius is here in the manor?"
"No, I just ... I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. I know it's not my house and it's not my place to decide who comes and goes, but..."
"Perhaps you are scared to let your best friend see you in your natural element."
Atama stared at the Felguard. His lips were parted to speak, but he decided against it and flopped down on his couch, hugging a pillow to his chest. "I don't know, Thoo. I've been spending my life trying to keep people out so that I may continue my work - my legacy. And yet, every bump in the road is usually some person that either helps or hinders my progress. Temius hates me because of what happened with the Council. That's not something I can help. I hate being with the Council too, but how can I help if I ..."
"What you are doing is certainly brave by all means, but do you really want to be a martyr like before?" Thooroon said, sitting back against the soft cushions of his custom made chair.
Atama rolled to his side, his back facing the demon. "We all have to make sacrifices at some point in our life, Thoo."
"And nearly diving into the Twisting Nether is one of them?"
"That was for Lieben. My sister."
"But not by blood nor family."
The demon's words brought the warlock back up into a sitting position. "Blood is thicker than water, Thooroon. She may not be my real sister, but she's pretty damn close! I would trade Frieren to the Slave Pens myself if Lieben could share the same flesh and blood as me!"
Thooroon said nothing, but emitted a low sigh.
"I don't expect you to understand the emotional attributes us sentients have, demon. You're engineered after all. You understand the importance of life and death, but you can't understand the sacrifices we make for our own families."
The Mo'arg stood up and grabbed his axe. He swung it upon his shoulder and stared down at Atama. "And yet you don't understand your own sacrifices..." He grunted and walked out of his master's chambers.
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[11 Oct 2007|12:44am] |
So my long dead, Scourge-infested twin sister has returned to our home to wreck havoc upon our household, steal my research notes, and get thrown in the mansion's dungeons. Then Temius arrives to live with us, escaping from the Forsaken Shadow. Then Fingal D'Argider dies a hero's death.
Can this night possibly get any worse? I'm still having mixed feelings about bringing Lo I would write more but I'm very tired and exhausted from running in that forsaken snow earlier just to catch Frieren.
Someone get me out of this house...
Save me please.
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[08 Oct 2007|04:36pm] |
Journal, I find myself facing temptation day after day. And tonight was no exception. It's bad enough having Valandiil edging me towards giving in and going back to being a complete man-whore, but I've been fighting it off and fighting it off well. No attachments, no indulgence, nothing. Nether, I can't even remember the last time I took part in anything remotely sexual. I've just been that out of touch with my own internal desires. But the more it makes itself available, the more weak in the knees I get. Then I remember who I am and what I'm supposed to do and I push those thoughts aside. Nether help me though, there are way too many men in this estate. Plain and simple.
I mean, for example, tonight, I found Fingal wandering around the halls (I thought he was an intruder at first), trying to find the bathroom. While in most circumstances, I would politely point him in the right direction - he was covered in dirt and blood and wearing nothing more than a towel around his waist! I nearly choked on my own words and hurried to my room to try and stop an incoming nosebleed. Damnit! Okay, so, after calming myself after that moment, I went to go check for mail and packages at the local post which was outside and down the walking path. I'm happy to report that my spectacles did come in and they fit rather well. I can see much better now too. So, I go back inside (and it's freezing out there in that damnable snow!), go back up the stairs and down the hall and there he is AGAIN! This time, clean, wet, and still with towel.
I think he's doing this on purpose.
They all do this to torment me.
But I will be strong. I will not let these muscular, built, tall, and strong men tempt me.
Nope, not me.
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[03 Oct 2007|11:58pm] |
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back from brewfest
rode on a ramm
drunk ass hell
pukked in plant in hallway hope lieben doesnt seee it
feelin reallee good
need to get laid
going to sleeep now
(The rest of the page is covered in sleep drool...)
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[01 Oct 2007|01:29am] |
Ah, journal... how I hate Silvermoon and love it at the same time. I more hate the convocacy and their corrupted political circle and blindless and - moving on.
They had captured Lolin'dar and held him in a prison. He looked dreadfully ill and I'm most concerned for him. Being the concerned teacher that I am, I sent a letter to Lieben of the utmost importance and requested her expertise in lock-picking as well as snatching up three invisibility potions from her alchemist son.
Needless to say, Lolin'dar is now in the care of the Faol estate and somewhat progressing.
And now Sargeoff, Lieben, and myself are wanted criminals... isn't that just lovely?
My primary concern is Himmel and how he's fairing with his spouse. Turns out while we were on vacation, the little bastard went off and screwed some woman from his past. And then cried how it was a mistake and it won't happen again and he's SO sorry and KODOSHITE.
I don't believe a pissing word he says. And to think he used to be a good friend of mine.
Who needs an arch-nemesis when you have cheating spouses? Hurray!
Maybe I'm just a really bitter person, journal.
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